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How do I find support when I have bladder weakness?

When you have bladder weakness it can feel quite isolating. We started the Jude & Friends community to support women through their bladder care journey. Today we talk to Tessa Owens who heads up our community on why the group is so important.

Tessa Owens works at Jude and heads up our Jude & Friends community on Facebook. We spoke to her about the group and why so many women value the support it offers. Bladder weakness is still very much a taboo subject, and many women struggle to talk about it with family members and friends.

Jude & Friends provides the perfect environment for women to chat to one another informally and share their experiences.

Interestingly the subjects are super varied and often not about bladders or pelvic floor at all! (and there are even IRL meet ups too so you can meet other women on the same journey as you).

Hi Tessa, thanks for joining us! Tell us what you value most about the Jude & Friends group? What makes it so special?

"It's the support members give one another.  Many members describe the group as the best group on FB and I would really have to agree with them!  You cannot beat a group of women who need to tackle a common problem, the love, the collaboration, the sharing, the tenderness they display is second to none."

What are some of the common experiences you notice when it comes to bladder and incontinence? What have you learnt?

"It often seems to be tolerated or ignored for months, even years. Then eventually something happens, e.g. it gets worse, or there is a particularly bad experience and members feel they’ve had enough and must act.  Interestingly women suddenly find they have time to think of themselves (e.g. in retirement, or when children leave home) for the first time in years and that is when they start to tackle their continence issues."

It's interesting that it takes so long for women to actually tackle their bladder weakness? What else have you noticed?

"That incontinence is very isolating and socially damaging and can lead to other mental and physical health issues. There are overriding emotions of shame and denial and the occasional sense of resignation that this is what life is going to be like from now on. This is why I think so many members express their delight as ‘life-changing’ when the supplements work for them, because they have, quite literally, changed our members everyday lives and outlook. It’s euphoric."

And thinking specifically about our Jude & Friends Facebook group what do you think it provides for these women?

"Huge love, caring and support.  All members are cheerleaders for one another.  There’s varying success but they all want each other to experience real improvements and when this happens they’re all genuinely thrilled.  They know what its like to go without sleep, miss social occasions, confine where you go to a limited area, understand the embarrassment experienced when things go wrong, and the frustration of everyday triggers to their bladder … so when one member has a bad day they are all there for that person, and because that member knows that fellow members completely understand - well it isn't just kind words, it's genuine empathy. "

And what kind of role does this emotional support play?

"When members have a good day they are all thrilled for one another, because they know how wonderful that feeling is and the tough times one goes through in order to have that elation."

What about when they're seeking advice in terms of specific medical issues?

"Well we are lucky in that we have the professional medical knowledge and experience with the involvement of Dr Masarat Jilani. This is a huge benefit to the group as a whole and helps members to understand that Jude’s work is serious, scientifically underpinned and robust."

What else does the group offer in terms of content?

"The group also provides a huge amount of interesting and useful information.  We share brilliant blog articles from Jude’s Blog every week, which are all pertinent and easily digested articles.  In addition to this knowledge however there is also the undocumented knowledge that the women have themselves. When they share the unique knowledge they have amassed over years of individual experience they add to the support and advice they can give to one another."

And can you explain who the 'Judettes' are? It sounds like they are a growing demographic within the community?

"These women are super interesting. We have called ourselves Judettes and we are basically a group of key members of the community who have taken a role which ensures all members feel welcomed and supported.  Their constant care and support is a brilliant addition to group’s structure and culture. We meet regularly and brainstorm ways we can support our community even more."

A lot of the banter in the group seems to be about diverse topics...so not always related to bladder care. Is this true?

"Oh yes! The group also give each other relief from thinking exclusively about their bladder!  We have lots of fun, hilarious conversations, and silly games which brighten everyone’s day. We also do challenges and it means that bladder weakness feels less in the foreground - we're all working towards a solution!"

And finally Tessa, what are your future plans? You were retired but have come out of retirement to work with Jude. How inspiring!

"My future plans are to continue working with Jude for as long as they’ll have me.  I retired once, 5 years ago, and it just doesn’t suit me!  I’m a doer and have always enjoyed being busy.  Working for Jude and Friends has given me real pleasure and purpose again and I love being part of such a wonderful group. They are all so lovely and full of energy and drive - I think a little of that has rubbed off on me!  They are also very accepting of me and don’t condescend to a fellow worker old enough to be their grandmother! I’ve learnt so many new things and feel like my brain has had a reboot!"

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